Jeremiah 17:9 is one of the many Bible verses to enjoy a universal consensus amidst the world's religious diversity. That scripture states as follows; “The heart is deceitful above all things, And desperately wicked; Who can know it?”

I would contend that the emphasis and usage of the word ‘desperately” was not just for mere grammatical gymnastics. But a deliberate attempt at portraying the truly sordid state of the heart of man.

Growing up in multiracial and deeply polarized societies with high rates of police brutality, cruelty and incessant extrajudicial killings; chances are that guardians and parents would have had “The Talk” with their wards at the earliest possible stages. To explain the realities of what it means to live as a ‘child of color’ and the best ways to avoid getting the cops ‘reasonably apprehensive’ and getting shot at while being pulled over.

The never-ending culture of gender-based violence and the proliferation of sexual assault has seen not just guardians of the girl child, but society at large, teach; dictate, and determine what they ought to do, or mechanism to implement, in other to avoid being assaulted, raped or killed. Just like ‘The Talk’, all of the prescribed ‘safety mechanisms’ for the female child would never be effective, or yield any positive result, and the reason is simple, a defence mechanism against a disproportionately powerful aggressor is no defence mechanism at all.

Most people are generally of the opinion that women are being paranoid, delusional, or borderline extreme when they say they are not safe anywhere, until a woman gets maimed, raped, or killed. Not at home; in school, church, office, or whatever space they find themselves existing.

Patriarchy might have resulted from an interplay of factors; biological, historical and cultural. Men might have not had a conference to lay down a set of rules to oppress women, but have consciously and subconsciously done so, almost with the same viciousness and deliberate precision as following a set of rules from a playbook.

Historically, patriarchy might have resulted as a necessity for survival, but not even societal evolution and civilization could inhibit the proliferation of its decays.

A myriad of our actions as men, which were regarded as whimsical interrelation and youthful exuberance, such as: catcalling, or groping women, only helped set the tone for the grooming of potential assaulters. A lot has been ignored historically, and that has only led to the entitlement of men towards the female gender. This explains why a man, looking all raggedy, could walk up to a woman, inappropriately speak to her, or tell her how to act or react in a given space. Patriarchy is not just the oppression of women generically, it cuts across nuances like the entitlement of men over the bodies of another individual, giving no recourse to individual autonomy or even the dignity that ought to accrue to every human.

The reorientation of the male child has become increasingly crucial. A lot of norms and narratives that go on to be an essential part of the grooming of the male child need to be addressed. Our environments, especially in the formative years, form a large part of the ideals that shape most of our actions and inactions. Many grew up in homes where hitting women as a reflex action to any outburst had been normalized. While this is no excuse, the reorientation of the male child is an essential part of the fight against gender-based violence.

The ‘Black Lives Matter’ movement was not a denial of the fact that all lives matter, but a pointer to the fact that blacks are disproportionately victims of extrajudicial killings. This same logic applies to the proponent of the ‘Not All Men Rape’ or ‘Men Also Get Abused’ campaign. They share the same objective with the ‘All Lives Matter’ proponents, and that is to serve as detractors to the aims and objectives of the cause. This is justified by the fact that counter campaigns only occur when there is a demand for justice by oppressed demography.

The perpetrators of sexual assault and gender-based violence do not have a distinct marker; Hence, anyone could be just as guilty. The culture is also being preserved by institutional factors, which are just as potent as the perpetuation of the acts. Certain institutions, like the court systems, which ought to make the fight against gender-based violence a fair one, in turn, make it a skewed one. One of the many ways the system is oppressive is the Nigerian courts approach to the element of corroboration in probing a rape claim. The handling of stories by journalists, and the questions they ask the accused are in most instances borderline stupid, and only help preserve the narrative that victims would always be stigmatized.

Statistically, maybe not all men abuse women, or are capable of engaging in any activity that would endanger women, but the sexual assault culture, and the battle against it, do not require statistical accuracy. It is a fight that requires not numbers, but a unified voice towards addressing a particular problem and changing certain narratives. While dissenting opinions are essential for encouraging discourse, the issue of gender-based violence and sexual assault has gone way beyond discourse. Systemic and individualistic changes need to occur and be seen to be happening.

In summation, the periodic rage every time a rape case hits the headlines, and the war of words that follow do very little to bring about the societal change required.

An interrogation of our moral compasses is required. The kind of questions we ask victims, the kind of jokes we make, our actions, and inactions towards this subject matter.

So, when next we are about to victim blame, or champion a cause for Men too, we ought to ask ourselves how we have contributed to changing the narrative, and ensuring that society is safe for all, not just by our words, but also how we act and react to the oppression of women around us.

The key is in our singular resolve to demand a radical change at all levels, with a united voice and an unflinching resolve to see this through.