I want to be loved... I want to wake up at midnight and look to the moon and stars overtaken by joy, merely thinking about you. I want to sleep off with those thoughts of who we are and what we could be. I want to override my imaginations with the craziest fantasies about fulfilled dreams. I want you. I want us. I want to wake up by 5am to take a glass of water but get distracted reading the sweetest good morning messages from you. I want to call you and tell you that I'm confused about what to wear for my long morning walk and hear you laugh in amusement. I want to video call you to help me decide between having a healthy breakfast or fast food. I want you to tell me about your plans for the day and watch you listen to mine. I want to go about my day knowing I have a man diary to tell everything that happened at the end of the day. I want to sit in bed exhausted, and call you to tell you how i almost died of stress and frustration but your voice kept me alive. I want to sleep off to the sound of your voice. I want to wake up to the sound of your heart beat. I want us to dream together. I want you to to choose me over the stars to stare at. I want you to wrap me on your arms when it gets cold at night. I want you to kiss me in between my babble. I want to see you act jealous when you catch someone else stare at me. I really want to tell you how much I miss you and hear you say you miss me too. I want to relive every moment with you and stay up all night reminiscing on the moments we've shared. If hearts spoke to keep man alive, then I'd live a million years because my heart would never stop speaking about you.

But it's sad that I get to sit by the pool watching the rippling water and sighing in emptiness. It hurts that I have to take longer walks just to clear my head. I hate that I have to go through the day incomplete. Sometimes I sit and wonder what you're doing. Do you think about me like I think about you? Does it hurt you like it hurts me? Does it hurt you more? Do you also wonder if I laugh as much like I do for you. Do you also shut down the curtains at night cause the sight of the stars remind you of me. Or have you moved on? Have you really moved on or like me you act like you have? I want to be loved by you. I know you too want to be loved but maybe not by me. I wanted you to be the you that makes us. I wanted so badly for it to be you but now I understand that you don't want it to be me. I sit in silence having conversations in my head trying to fathom my pain. I feel so much yet feel nothing. Maybe, just maybe I'll try to move on. So that the sounds of the birds chirping would make me forget your voice. And the stars would suddenly look brighter than your eyes. My space would seem too small to accommodate you. Will I always miss you? Yes! Would I taste lonely days and cold nights? Of course! But one thing is for sure, no matter how much I've loved you, I'd always love me more. And yes I do want to be loved, but this time by me.