The dusty dry wind carried the dry leaves and threw them on the other side of the compound. Her lips were cracked, her skin white, and her thick black hair became as strong as a week's old bread. 

She opened the door of her house and inhaled the cold air that left a scent of burnt grass reminiscent of a roasted goat. That scent that accompanied harmattan. That scent that reminded her of her family back in the village and how they butchered the Christmas goat and cooked fried rice and Gbegiri on top a burning firewood. But it also reminded her of her. She would no longer be able to celebrate Christmas with her again because of the incident. After several years of dealing with the pain, of dealing with the insults that came from family members and people of the village, of dealing with the blame and the hate she felt for herself. She could never ever celebrate Christmas, and no one would want to celebrate with her. She shut the door immediately.

Facey came knocking on the door of her house. Onome didn't want to come out. She wanted to be alone, as usual. But Facey didn't give up. She hit the door so hard that Onome couldn't bear it any longer. She had no choice but to open the door for this unsolicited visitor. 

"Onome, why you dey like this?" Facey asked as soon as she got into the house. Quizzed Onome glanced disgustingly at her guest. 

"Why is your house looking this way?" She signalled at the closed curtains, the unkempt floor, the scattered furniture and the darkness that loomed over the room". 

"What have you come for this morning, Facey? And you didn't inform me you were coming".

"For my friend house again? Shu the matter don reach that level? Okay, I'm sorry I didn't inform you I was coming. But I came here because I know you'd be a mess".

"I'm an adult and I can take care of myself, thanks for your concern".

"Come on, Onome you haven't still gotten over this? It's the 10th of December, open your windows and curtians, clean your house, arrange your furniture and enjoy the beauty of Christmas and this awesome gift called Life" Facey said as she opened the windows and curtians.

"Stop it". Onome held her friend by the arm and looked into her eyes. "Stop it, please. Who told you I'm not over it? Who told you I'm still harbouring pain?"

"You are, else, you would have opened your windows and curtians and look happy. You are always grumpy and this time every year, you are worse. Grumpy pro max. You don't even care for yourself. You get drunk, sleep late and do all sorts of Shi*t!".

"Shut up Facey". She screams at her friend.

"Jesus, Onome!". Facey held her nose. "What's that smell? Where you drinking again?".

Onome looked at her friend, and then bowed her head down. Facey rushed into her room only to find bottles of Smirnoff Ice as well as numerous sachets of captain Jack littered over the floor. She then barged into her kitchen, opened her freezer and saw a huge bottle of Red Vodka. She brought it out and kept it inside her kitchen sink.

"What are you doing? Leave it!" Onome shouted. 

Facey took a hammer from her friend's toolbox and smasked the bottle right inside the sink.

"What have you done?" Onome held her friend and screamed at her. "What have you done, Facey?"

"Helping you! Lord knows how many drinks you've had this week. Who even knows if you're taking drugs. You're not fine Onome, and getting drunk every single night is not the ans - "

"Get out of my home!" Furious Onome did not let her finish her statement as she dragged her friend out of her kitchen. "Get out of here and never come back. Leave this place, Facey!"

Facey turned to her distressed friend. "I'll leave". She walked towards the door, glanced at her friend one last time, and left. Onome sank to the floor and wept. She wept like she had never wept before. Cried her eyes out and saw images of her. She saw images of the fire. Images of how she was before everything happened. Images of the cocaine and the drinks. Images of her desolate life. Should she die and leave everything? Or should she continue living this life of despair and shame? She went into her room and knelt in front of her table, crying. After pushing the white powder closer to her with a razor, took a sniff into her left nostril and closed her eyes.

******

Short monotonous beeps resounded in the room. Spiky lines could be seen moving on the screen of the ECG. Her fingers moved. And she opens her eyes. She couldn't see for a while and when her eyesight became clear, she saw Facey. 

"What…what are you doing here?" She asked with weak surprise.

"You left your door open after you chased me out". She paused and looked at her friend pitifully. "I shouldn't have turned back, but I did".

"So, you're like a heroine now. If you came here just to prove your self righteousness please go. You shouldn't have saved me in the first place". Onome retorted.

"You see how bitter you are! I turned back because I felt something was wrong and I knew you only chased me out of your home because you were under the influence of alcohol and even drugs! I turned back because you are my friend and I'm not afraid to save my friend. Maybe if you had turned back and weren't afraid, you would have saved Grace!"

Onome looked at her with sorrowful eyes. The heaviness in her heart reflected on her face like a mirror.

"Onome, I love you from the depth of my heart." Facey continued. "You cannot continue living this way. Grace is gone. But you are still alive. You have to move on".

"But I would have saved her". Onome said tearfully. "I would have saved my twin from the gnawing clutches of death. Death has always looked me in the face. Death has always stared at me. Death has been by my side but it never took me. Even today, it didn't take me. Yet, it took Grace. Why? Oh why? I could have saved her from the fire. We were simply fanning the flames of the fire wood. The wind was strong and started burning the bushes. But we were hungry and wanted to eat Ukodo. But Death followed me again, and in fact, leaned on my shoulders. 

"The harmattan wind was so strong and raised the fire to a level I had never seen. I took a bottle of kerosene thinking it was water and gave it to Grace to turn off the fire. Oh, Death smiled at me for doing its bidding. Grace was caught up in the flames. I ran at the sight of it. I wasn't brave enough to save my other half. The person I have lived all my life with. I stood there at a distance and watched her burn on Christmas Eve. The neighbors, my parents and family members, everyone came out and saw the horrible sight of Grace screaming for her life. 

The wind increased the fire, until finally, an old man had the courage a young me didn't have and poured a bucket of water on her. More buckets were poured, but it was too late. After they put out the fire, I saw Grace's stiff and dried body. Her sockets had a deep hole that can never measure up to the depth she left in my heart. Everyone turned to me and cursed me. Called me a witch, one with evil fortune. My family till this day have not forgiven me. I watched Grace's remnant beckon to the call of the abyss as her dried body was taken away like the dry leaves by the harmattan wind. Tell me, Facey, how can I forgive myself even after all these years?"

Facey looked at her friend pitifully searching for the right words of comfort. 

"Do you remember when my husband wanted to travel abroad and I gave his travel savings to my friend Jumoke to start her business and she ended up scamming me?"

Onome nodded.

"If I had wallowed in self pity, would I be able to restore my relationship with my husband?" Onome said no.

"Christmas is a time to reflect, a time to show love, and a time to look ahead. Believing you killed Grace won't get you anywhere. Taking alcohol or cocaine won't help you either. You have to look ahead". She hugged her friend with those concluding words. 

******

The atmosphere was different. Facey couldn't recognize the house. It had a different aura, a different ambience. This was the hope Christmas gives. 

Christmas is a day to commemorate the birth of Christ. On Christmas day, a lot of things were revealed. King Herod realized that he was not the everlasting King he thought himself to be, Mary realized that the prophecy had finally been fulfilled. And Joseph realized that his decision to stick with Mary was right. Also, the wise men realized that the King of all the earth was real and had finally come. 

In the same vein, Onome realized that the hate she felt for herself was not worth it. She had to let it go.

"I'm going to give out gifts to the kids at the orphanage today. After that, I'd call my family. I know they may not want to hear from me, but, I'd take the risk". 

"Call?" Inquired Facey. "Go see them, don't call them".

"They may not want to see me".

"And how do you know that? Have they told you that before? Look, Onome, they should feel your presence and this new joy that burns inside of you. You didn't kill Grace intentionally. So you should see them with a clean heart. If you go there and they chase you away, then you can leave with your head held high. And also, I'd come with you to give you all the support I can".

"Thank you so much Facey. I'm grateful". The duo hugged and planned their trip.

It was a long drive from Rumoukoro to Kokori village in Ethiope East of Delta State. One's hands were shaking. She was nervous. She hadn't seen her family in over 10 years after the incident happened. She had not spoken to any of them in years. She excommunicated herself from the flock, and wallowed in self pity. How would they receive her now? Would they even remember her? Of course, they would. Who would forget the girl that lit up her sister in flames. All she wanted was to make peace with herself and her past, and making peace with her family was a part of the process.

The can stopped and she stared at the red sand beneath her shoes. The mango plants have still not been removed from the compound. Nothing changed really. Big Mummy then came out upon hearing the cab from her room. "Who dey there?" She questioned as she strolled from the house to the verandah. Then, her eyes met Onome's eyes. Onome recognized her grandma perfectly. Plump, short, fair and had long grey braided hair. The old lady came down from her verandah and ran towards Onome. On seeing that, Onome ran towards her also and knelt in front of her clutching her loosening wrapper. 

"Mummy!" She said crying.

"My Onome" Her grandma recognized her. "My Onome, is this you? Get up". 

"Mummy I'm sorry". Onome said standing to her feet. 

"Neighbors o!!!!!!! My grand daughter is back. Neighbors o!!!!!!!!! Come and celebrate with me!"

Her grandma hugged her with joy and took her into the house. A feast was made that night. Onome's family came home to see the murderer of their daughter in flesh and blood after ten whole years. Her uncles told their kids how one Onome killed her own twin sister. She wasn't surprised. She knew it would happen. But she held on to what Facey said. And the joy in her grandma's eyes were enough to make her stand strong.

"Onome, it was a mistake. We have forgiven you. You were just a child. Thank you for coming home. Thank you for forgiving us. Whe kobiro". Her grandma said, giving her a big hug.

******

She entered her apartment. She changed her gloomy wallpaper to a bright yellow one. Her curtains were raised. The fresh wind blew into her home. She cooked a meal instead of those junks she always had. She cleaned her room, got rid of the drugs and only had one bottle of Star Radler in her freezer. 'A good start', she thought. 

On her table was an old diary of her and her sister. She opened it to remember one last time how they had been. She stumbled upon a note of her sister. It was like a promissory note. Grace wrote: "I will always be by your side Onome, Love Grace". 

She hugged the note. Smiled. Closed her eyes. And then she heard a voice. A whisper first, then it grew thicker, like a thorny bush. Not accurate, buy she could hear something. It sounded like…it sounded like her name. Someone was calling her name. 

"Grace?" Onome gasped and opened her eyes.

"Onome! Open this door I've been screaming your name". Onome's bright face turned grim as she saw Facey's face pressed to her room window.

"I'm coming…". She opened the door and let Facey in.