I walk through this town unseeing,

Like an arrow I breezed forward, unflinching.

A part of me wants to slow down and take it all in,

Feel as much as I can, maybe let it overwhelm me.

To close my eyes and relive the memories,

The good, the bad and the unending fantasies.

I faltered, hoping to find one to get lost in,

A mental haven; an escape from the physical existence,

To pull me from the harsh reality of what is,

To a memory of what was or a fantasy of what could be.

A memory that feels like soft rain and roses,

A memory that hurts like thorns in my belly.

Not wanting to drown in the pain of the memory,

I distract myself with fantasies,

A fantasy where tears doesn't mean I'm weak,

Nor do I get vilified for feeling.

But this is my reality, I was molded by it

This reality felt like I was spearing backwards,

Although my target was in sight, it seemed farther,

I was moving towards the light, but it didn't get any brighter,

The air around me got thinner, harder to breathe,

The space around me became ickle as I hit the bull's eye with a thump,

That collision egged a needed clarity,

"I'd been running headfirst all my life,

When all I should've done was, LIVE IT."