I get so tired of trying, of pushing

The days get darker and my heart gets heavier

My strength fails me and I only want to curl up and cry

My but I'm a man so I have to keep it in

Show no weakness and leave no room for failure

Everything has to be in order and I have to maintain that order

My friends see the pain I try to hide but I mask it further with simple smile and I say "It's fine",

Nothing I haven't faced before...right?

I am a man so I have to keep moving

Even then it gets harder.. But still I am a man.

My chest aches a lot more, my heartbeat is more irregular than I remember but I keep it in

The pain is only temporary I say to myself

I meet with my friends and my one time sweetheart catches my eye and she asks me...

"Are you okay?, it's been a while, you look...stressed"

My knees buckle and my legs almost give in, I almost want to tell her I've not been okay, that it's been a tough couple of years, I'm not as sane and stable as I used to be, she understands me and she knows my heart and when it's hurting.

But I am a man, I tell her it's just a little stress from work and I'll be fine.

Breathe in, breathe out, suppress and move on... Such is the life of a man, no weakness..no excuses

Keep moving until your last breath...

So finally my big break comes, the life of stress finally pays off the sleepless nights and the constant pain bearing results, it's so close now I can see it.

The check and the phone call comes in, the approval that I so dearly have prayed and worked for is finally in my hands. I finalise my deals close all the contracts, I still feel the ache in my chest slight pain in the head, but it's all good now. I can smile again,

I can breathe again, I head home with wave of excitement washing over me, plotting my next step and planning mini party to celebrate with my friends I'll be able to tell them everything now [and confess my love for her....in private of course]

Reaching home I look over the contract again and the payment I just received "this is a lot" I say to myself, I take a sit and let the wave pass, the tiredness envelopes my body and bones but at least I can rest now, I can finally rest without worry

I close my eyes and pass out peacefully.

I wake up to my friends surrounding me

I think I must have crashed a bit harder than I initially thought

I guess all the accumulated stress took its toll on me

I meet their sad smiles with mine, "why do you all look so glum?" I ask

Although they can't seem to hear me, enveloped in their sadness as usual

Three faces I instantly recognise and one amongst them so dear to my heart, I hope I'll finally have time to confess my love for you.

Two more faces gather, there's a shared understanding between them and the atmosphere seems a little too solemn and somber.

"Guys I'm awake, I'm fine now" I say as loud as possible but they don't seem to hear me, it seems they are too engrossed in their sadness, maybe?

More people circle around me, all dressed in different shades and styles of black, say a prayer around me a priest in white comes to finalise the prayer and the tears breakout, wailing and screaming, sounds I'd never want to hear erupting from the ones I love the most and the sky; grey and heavy with tears joins the array of tears.

It dawns on me then, they cannot see me,

I cannot hold them in my arms anymore, I try to shout but it's goes into void.

It dawn on me then; no more, no longer.

That's when I see him, the hooded figure in the distance, beckoning to me...I feel a sense of familiarity with his presence as death calls unto the dead.

So on I go to the great beyond, a bundle of dreams and ideas lost to time. The end of a man's tale, I tried to be a man, I tried to carry the weight alone even when people tried to help me...and now I wonder--how diffrent it would have been if only I had let them in, if only I had let love in.

Now I return as I came...a lonely soul