I guess she could see it too

Maybe she was experiencing it as well, if not - why would she dance under the rain like that?

Why did she sit at lonely corners and cry her eyes out? Did we have this thing in common? Was she struggling with the sheets and cursing at the ceiling as sleep made itself a guest to everyone except her? Did she know about the friends? the friends we swallowed, sending on a journey to numb the insides of our hurting souls? Did we have the same Google history? Has her hands trembled as she typed 'how to di-' on the search bar with blurry vision and a raging soul? As I sit here, on my many escapes into the night - I see her, she's pacing - muttering unrecognizable words, maybe they are speaking to her, the shadows with dark clothes, maybe they whisper the same thing that they whisper to me: 'You are lost' 'You will never be found' 'You are insufficient' 'You will fail'

This thing hugs me, they call it fear but it calls me mine

Somehow I had consented to a relationship that I knew nothing about, a clingy one at that - always desiring to be close, breathing the same air that I take in, engaging in the activities, and actively involved in the future and past. I glanced at the pool of water by my feet. I cannot recognize myself, I look deeper and I see myself - small, crouched on the cupboard on my 8th birthday, scared and trembling - the relationship started here.

She turned abruptly in my direction,

Drenched she started coming closer - the closer she got, the brighter her face shown

"What are you?"

"I am you"

"I dance the way I do because He likes to dance, He moves me and sways me in directions that the winds go and I just follow, that is how he likes me to do - to cast my fears to the wind, to throw them away. I sit in lonely corners and cry when He cries, you see - He has been in unrequited love for so long, the bride he died for does not want Him, she makes new loves for herself every day and breaks His heart continuously so I cry when He cries, there is a gift He offers but many have rejected it, they have scoffed at it, they have turned their hearts from him and now they live with the consequences and that Hurts his heart, His heart cannot take it so I try to take up a little of his burden and I cry with Him. Yes, I struggle with the sheets, my mind lies awake not because sleep does not visit me- sleep loves me, maybe too much but how can I rest when the heart of the one I love is restless? I can hear him twist and turn at his side - He never sleeps nor slumbers. I know about those friends- if only you would take out the label and see what is behind it: 'end', it is just a facade - it claims to numb but what it does is heighten, it heightens and preserves your pain, they do not love you-not the way that He does, Oh- He is obsessed, you have 4934277624626 strands of hair, oh wait: 4934277624625 - one just fell out. Yes, I google the same thing over and over again, my fingers tremble and my heart contracts as I write it 'How to die to self', constantly wanting to die to myself so that I can live completely in Him, yes I know what that feels like. Yes I see them, yes they communicate- the large beings with a white shiny appearance, I see them as well - I see them healing, I see them delivering gifts, I see them touching, I see the flames they minister with - and the voices, yes I hear them too " You are found" "You are in my will" "I am enough for you" "When you fall, I will pick you up- If you fail, you will learn"

"Are all these real? Can I have them?"

"Yes. they are for you"

"Me?"

"Yes. you reading this"