book-cover
Not Settling: Battles of A Determined, Strong, Yet Tempted Single Woman
Oluwatoyin Odunuyi
Oluwatoyin Odunuyi
8 months ago


“Honestly, I think everyone should have a period where they are just single,”

Tofunmi turned to her brother, Tofaranti, after the words he just spilled out. The other people at the table agreed with him by nodding and adding more insight to his opinions. 

“I mean, just take like two years to focus on yourself,” Tofaranti added with a smile on his face, impressed that they were taking his opinion.

His mother, Yewande Oludare, the queen bee, the Khaleesi, the pharaoh of the Oludare home, nodded,” Yes, oh, it will also help in your career.”

“Extremely.” Tofaranti beamed. Tofunmi felt the urge to jab her fork into her twin brother’s skin. See his mouth like “Extremely.”

Tofaranti shouldn’t have brought the subject of a relationship up because everyone knew what would follow- intense questioning and degrading.

It was her parents’ 29th anniversary; every year, Yewande and her husband, Samuel, entertained their two children and a couple of members of the extended family. Then, after the dinner, the couple would fly out of the country or lodge in a resort. Romance never died with their age. 

“But it’s not all times you focus on your career, oh.” Bewa, Yewande’s 33-year-old half-sister, spoke up with a hint of condescension in your tone, and everyone knew who it was directed to. 

Tofaranti glanced at Tofunmi, who already had her resting bitch face on. 

Bewa continued,” Especially if you’ve been on your career for so long that everyone sees that it is your partner.” 

Laughter from Yewande followed the words. Samuel rolled his eyes and focused on his chicken; anytime Bewa and Yewande were around together, it was horrible. They ganged up on anyone, and they always seemed to win.

“Ranti.” Bewa called out to her nephew,” Thank you for saying that.”

Tofunmi rolled her eyes; Her twin brother wasn’t wrong in his statement. It’s just that he had the power to say that because of what was between his legs.

Well, he was a man.

If she said it, all hell would break loose.

And she did.

Tofunmi nodded and spoke up, drawing attention across the table to herself,” Yes, oh, you must take a break from romance once in a while,”

Her mother was the first to react; she let out a laugh, and her aunt just hummed.

“What is it, mummy?” Tofunmi dared to ask.

Yewande spoke, sass dripping from my tone,” My dear if you take out time to be single, when can we expect your husband? When you’re 40?”

“I’m 28 now.” 

“My point exactly.” Yewande nodded,” You’re over 4 years behind.”

Tofunmi scoffed,” I finished school when I was 23.”

“You had 5 years to find someone.”

“Nysc? Job? My masters?” Tofunmi listed all her endeavors throughout the year.

“And?” Yewande pursed her red-painted lips. 

“And all that needed focusing.” Tofunmi rebutted.

Tofaranti, Samuel, and everyone else watched as Yewande and Tofunmi got into a word exchange- it was sort of like watching the Williams sisters play tennis, hitting the ball back and forth, waiting for one to lose. 

Neither was going to let the other win. Yewande had been on Tofunmi’s neck to marry for years. She wanted to see her only daughter in a wedding dress soon. Tofunmi, on the other hand, wasn’t interested in walking down the aisle anytime soon. 

“You can do it while married.” Yewande mentioned,” your business, your life…”

“Why do you praise Tofaranti for taking a break from dating but not me?” Tofunmi wanted to know.

“Because he’s a man.” Yewande shrugged,” he can do whatever he can with his time. You have to make babies.”

Tofunmi nodded multiple times to the “wisdom” her mother had just spewed out of her mouth,” Oh, oh, oh, babies? And also to please society that I don’t give a damn about?”

It was Samuel’s turn to speak; he warned,” Funmi, watch the words oh. Ejo, Biko,” He wanted to appease the two women before things started to fly and their tones got higher.

Tofunmi felt her anger rise at its peak when her aunt and Yewande whispered to each other and started cackling like Coven witches.

Tofaranti whispered to Tofunmi,” Tofs, don’t.”

It was too late. The battleline had been drawn. 

“No, no, no. Let’s talk about this marriage thing.” Tofunmi was obstinate about dropping the matter,” Every time I come here for family dinner, it’s the same thing. Where is your husband? Who are you seeing now? When are you going to have a baby?”

“I am only concerned.” Yewande pouted,” The last man you brought to the home was 2 years ago. Before that, I didn’t even see anyone. Is there something I should know about you and Jason? He just stopped coming around and picking up my calls. What happened?”

Tofunmi scoffed, thinking about Jason, the stupid man who used her apartment as a meet-and-greet for his lovers.

“Whatever happened to him?” Yewande asked,” I want to know because you never spoke about him or why you broke up the engagement. We were all happy about it.”

Tofaranti and Tofunmi looked at each other for a split second; they knew perfectly what happened to Jason. After Tofunmi found out Jason had multiple partners, she also found out that he had AIDS. The dire information slipped out of his mouth when he drunkenly came by to her apartment to beg for a second chance. 

She disclosed to her twin, and once-in-a-while-Volatile Tofaranti went on a rampage; Tofaranti stormed the office of Jason, beat him to a pulp, and was escorted out of the building for being a nuisance.

Tofunmi was lucky that she didn’t test as positive; it hurt her; she was supposed to be marrying this man, and he had so many secrets. He had a completely different life that could ruin her. 

“What is it?” Yewande asked her children.

“Nothing,” Tofunmi answered before Tofaranti could say something. 

“It will be nice for you to get someone stable, that’s all,” Yewande mentioned before looking back at her food. Tofunmi felt her anger rise again,” Like Tofaranti has had someone stable?”

“Ah ha!” Tofaranti spoke up, wondering why his twin would drag her into her squabble with their mother. 

“What does that mean?” Yewande asked with narrowed eyes. 

Tofunmi glanced at Tofaranti, thinking about disclosing her brother’s secret- from the fling with the married woman to the occasional sex with the 21-year-old still in school, and now, Tofaranti had the hots for the new maid. Just last week, Tofunmi had found the two in the garden, laughing. She thought it was just all small talk until her twin and the young woman started to make out.

Tofunmi glanced at the maid, Sefiyah, who just walked in; she knew that Yewande would have her out of the house immediately; that’s not what she wanted to achieve. She just wanted her mom to know that Tofaranti was not perfect.

Yewande was getting antsy about the answer. She snapped at Tofunmi,” What is it?”

Tofunmi shrugged,” Nothing.”

Tofaranti felt his heart skip a beat after that; he didn’t need his mother’s wrath and to feel guilty about Sefiyah’s misfortune.

“Get a husband, Tofunmi. It’s not that hard.” Bewa scoffed,” People younger than you already have their second child. Hurry up.” 

Tofaranti knew there was no holding back- his sister was about to unleash hell on the superficial aunt.” Oh boy.” He muttered before sipping on his champagne. 

“Like you got your husband?” Tofunmi fired back.

“What does that mean?” Bewa was immediately threatened.

“How did you get your husband?” Tofunmi went down that line, and the men knew that the trouble was about to start.

“Sorry?” Bewa crossed her arms.

“Wasn’t he married to another woman while you met him? With three kids?” Tofunmi inquired. 

“And so?”

“You’re not a wife, Bewa. You’re a home wrecker.” Tofunmi delivered it with a laugh,” You didn’t score him with your food, charm, and class as everyone thought. You went late to his workplace and seduced him! That’s the truth!”

“Shut up!” Bewa was close to tears. Tofunmi wasn’t satisfied yet; she wanted tears to flow down the woman’s heavily cosmetic face. 

“You know the worst part is that you ruined a home, but you know what they say that what goes around comes around,” Tofunmi smirked.

“Funmi,” Samuel called out in a warning tone, but Tofunmi ignored it and said,” Your husband may just be using the family money to pay the bone straight order for a 20-year-old with bigger, firmer breasts and more skin tone and a real British accent.”

Tofaranti nearly spat out his water, laughing. 

“Tofunmi, stop it right now!” Yewande yelled,” Why do you have to come for your poor Aunty because we are telling you the truth about marriage?”

“Because you’re making me feel bad about myself.” Tofunmi had no other way to say it for her mother to understand how sensitive the topic was.

Yewande shrugged,” My dear, you are not getting younger. No man will desire you once you’re 30 and unmarried. You know the way men are; Time is ticking.”

Tofunmi sighed heavily and thought, “God, give me strength.”

She leaned forward to the table and looked her mother in the eye,” Mummy, this is the last time I’m coming home.”

Samuel spoke up immediately,” Ah-ha, let’s not do that. Calm down, it’s not that serious”

“Yes, it is.” Tofunmi was determined to let her peace be protected,” Nobody asks me about work or life anymore. If I get married, will poverty stop? Will Nigeria become better? It’s all about a partner, being a wife, having children.”

Tofunmi drew out a deep breath and paced herself for what she was about to say,” Jason cheated on me and had HIV!”

The revelation shocked a lot of people, including Yewande, who had her jaw to the ground. 

“I wasn’t going to risk my health because of a ring on my finger.” Tofunmi knew some women would stick by their partner, but she had something called common sense. God allowed her to run and she did. 

Yewande opened her mouth to speak, to ask a mirage of questions roaming through her mind, but Tofunmi stopped her. 

Tofunmi narrated her dating experience,” The man I met afterward was not interested in God. The man, after that was a drug addict, and the man that I liked died. So excuse me for wanting to focus on something more than my marital status now.”

“What about David?” Yewande asked,” He seemed crazy about you when you were teenagers. You can reach out to him, ask him out “

Tofunmi drew out a deep breath which stopped Yewande. The old woman didn’t get it. 

“David has baggage.” Tofunmi wouldn’t want to tell her mother that she had an ongoing sexual tension with David now that they were co-workers at the law firm. David was a sight to behold but he didn’t want to have children.

“So did your father when I met him,” Yewande pouted her lips. Samuel sent her a glare,” But you married me either way.”

“Because your pros outweighed your cons.” Yewande explained and looked to her daughter,” That’s something you need to know, Funmi. You don’t have to get Mr. Perfect. You can do with what you have.”

“Are you telling me to settle?” Tofunmi hoped not.

“Find a middle ground,” Yewande suggested.

“With Jason?”

Yewande nodded. It was Tofaranti’s turn to roll his eyes and draw out a breath. 

“He cheats, he lies, he manipulates…” Tofunmi wanted to drag out her hair in frustration as she listed,” He has HIV, mummy. Can I still settle?”

Yewande sucked in her lips and thought carefully about her next words. Tofunmi’s eyes were blazing with rage. For once, she didn’t want to test the woman. 

Tofunmi cooed,” I don’t care about having a partner now, so please stop disturbing me about it.”

“And if I cannot?” Yewande dared to ask.

“I won’t speak to you anymore until I have a partner,” Tofunmi went down the highway. Bewa laughed after her niece’s condition,” Children of nowadays.”

“You’re like 4 years older than us.” Tofaranti reminded her. 

“But she looks 20 years older.” Tofunmi dissed. Bewa rose a brow up at her, ready to pick a fight, but Yewande placed a hand on her shoulder. 

Yewande pointed at herself,” Me? Your mother?”

“Yes,” Tofunmi nodded.

“Ungrateful child,” Bewa mentioned in a mutter. The cup overflowed and Tofunmi yelled at Bewa,” Get out of my face!”

Once again Bewa was about to react when Yewande pacified her again. Samuel shook his head at the drama that unfolded before him. Women. 

Tofunmi turned back to her mother and let her know,” I’ll even punish you by depriving you of attending my wedding. I’ll do something small. I’ll go to the courthouse, get married, and then live with my husband. No party, no owanbe, no catering to fools that swear that they are happy for me but only want to eat my amala, drink my wine and dance their sorrows away.”

Yewande was silent, scared that if she said something else, Tofunmi would be pushed to do something drastic. She has always been an erratic one. 

Tofunmi shrugged,” I choose to focus on what matters… my health. God will find me someone meant for me, but until then, I’m not going to jump into a fool’s arms just because my mother wants to celebrate a wedding, or because time is running out.”

“Exactly, so everyone just leave her alone!” Tofaranti added with so much enthusiasm that everyone directed confused looks at him. He then added with a smile,” Respectfully though.”

“All I am asking is that you focus on me and everything I have to do with my career and personal life. Please.” Tofunmi hoped that her mother could sense the desperation lacing her tone. 

Yewande exhaled and brought the matter to an end. She summoned Sefiyah to bring out the desert. “Let’s just eat our food,” Samuel said. Tofunmi shrugged and looked down at her food, silently hoping that her mother would say something else. 

Sometimes, parents just need once in a while clearin’, a little bit of confrontation.

Sometimes, that’s just what it takes. Speaking out. 

&&

Tofunmi didn’t realize that clearing her mother would mean that the woman would be silent throughout the weekend. There was no call or message from her. It was either Yewande was still reeling from the bad news about Jason or she was just giving her daughter some space. 

Tofunmi was glad that she wasn’t internalizing her feelings anymore- no more. Now, she had to focus on her career. She wouldn’t be a senior lawyer if she was focused on petty matters. 

After the signature was placed on the document, Tofunmi stood up from the swivel chair and took it from David’s hands. 

“I appreciate it,” She flashed a small smile and turned around to leave. That was the plan- get his signature, walk out as quickly as she could before he could take advantage. 

That was until Tofunmi felt David’s hand graze hers. She felt electricity vibrate through her body, bringing light to what she had tried to suppress for months.

She turned to him and was hit with the perfect picture of seduction.

Those eyes, those lips, the clean self. David was every woman’s dream- well physically- he was tall, muscular, successful, and possessed intense charm.

Her mother would be glad if she brought someone like that home.

Tofunmi didn’t protest when David wrapped his arms around her waist and drew her closer. When he set his eyes on her lips, that’s when she knew that she had to stop it- whatever was about to happen.

She opened her mouth to protest but was only met by his lips. 

Everyone talks about shameless Yoruba men but not Edo men, who have been her weakness for a while. 

David had been waiting to corner her for weeks, but Tofunmi had evaded him like he was the plague. She would send the intern to get signatures off documents that she needed, just to stay away from him, she would avoid seeing him in private places. 

She knew that he would take advantage of the closed doors. 

For a good one minute, Tofunmi forgot herself, her plan to stay single, and also the fact that they were in a workplace; she let herself be loved if love came in the form of hot French kisses. David always had the skill of handling her like no one else. He gathered his research from teenage years- the skillful moving of one’s hand over her skin, the intense eye contact, the whispers by the ear, the deep kisses by her neck? 

That’s why she considered him dangerous. 

After nibbling on her neck, David looked at her face. She made the first move instead of stopping the act. She crashed her lips to his and he responded almost immediately, cupping her face. The kiss exploded into a kiss charged with lust and years of withholding. 

He finished his act by gently nibbling on her lower lip. 

With a husky tone, he suggested,” Dinner tonight at my house?”

She was convinced that it wouldn’t just be dinner. That’s how dangerous people work- suggest one thing and mean the other. 

She shook her head,” no.”

“Tomorrow?”

She hated herself for saying,” Never.”

She grabbed the document- the real reason why she came into his cave,” I would say until you change your mind about what you want, but I don’t want you to change your plans if you’re not sure if you completely want this.”

“You’re serious about it?” He asked about her plan not to get involved with him.

“Not until I’m 100 percent sure and full of belief that you’re the one for me.”

“The kiss doesn’t prove it?”

“No, it didn’t.”

“If I asked you to marry me?” David asked.

Tofunmi thought for a split second, about his proposal; even though honesty ran in his eyes, she needed more proof that he wanted her and would live according to her standards. 

Tofunmi gave an apologetic smile and moved out of the office before she could change her mind and give in to her sensual thoughts. 

She moved to the restroom. Honestly, nobody talks about the temptations that come with being single. You may have said that you won’t take anyone's crap anymore, but when loneliness comes, you wish that you were there with the person, or you may give in and ruin plans to stay in a healthy relationship.

She closed her eyes and recalled the last minute- how David kissed her and made her feel so good. Her hands ran along her neck, the same spot he intended to mark. 

She suddenly snapped her eyes and said,” Nope. Not settling. Not settling for nobody.”

Hopefully, that mantra would keep her and make her understand that she didn’t need a partner who was the bare minimum.

“Sorry, mom. Your girl is going to stay single for a while,” she thought to herself. 

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