I just checked my savings on Piggyvest and I'm this close to losing it all together. When does it ever end? It won't for a while because some bunch of idiots decided to vote someone that screams incompetence. I'll have to admit Benson Boone's “slow it down” and Djo's “end of beginning ” who I recently found out was Joe Keery who played Steve Harrington in stranger things. I'm constantly haunted with the question. “Am I doing enough? ” It might just seem like I have all the time in the world but truth is nobody is coming to save me. I mean a friend told me to my face that at least she earns more money than me monthly, I guess that's what you get for not shutting your mouth. When I was much younger, I always added to my age just because I couldn't wait to grow older. I would be 14 and say I was 15 which meant that I was 16 and how I was already an adult. I look back at the past with my fondest memories. I've observed over the years as I've slowly withdrawn from being in front of a camera as body dysmorphia quietly eats the edge of my soul. I constantly miss myself if you know what I mean. I'm so exhausted. This is not the launch I always dreamt of. Will I be okay? Maybe, maybe not, life might be worth living again. That's only subject to me getting bastard money and having solid control over my finances. Weirdly, in a way I'm grateful and proud of my achievements. What am I even saying? I keep contradicting myself.