My heart beats faster.

Whenever your face appears

Your voice rings

Or your name is echoed.

It's been many months

But I still remember the smile on your face.

The warmth of your touch

I still feel the heat of your gaze

And the melody of your voice

I want these feelings to fade away

I want to stop seeing your face everywhere I turn

Or hear your voice in every conversation

I want to go a day without hearing your name

From within the echoes of my thorax

I want to keep my thoughts from wandering to you

I want to close my eyes and not see your face

I want to have a conversation without every sentence reminding me of something about you

I want to stop wandering what it is you are doing

I want to stop wandering if you are fine

I want to stop praying for you

I want to stop being Mr Anonymous who does so much for you

The unknown who sends presents to your door because I saw them and knew you would like them

I want to eat egusi soup and not think about you

I want to cook ekpan-kukwo and not recall how much laughter we had preparing it

I want to behold a damsel in braids and not remember you always asking me to pack your braids for you

I want to walk and not remember how you loved to cling to my hand while we walked

I want to listen to Burna Boy and Ed Sheeran's 'For your hand' and not have my mind play reels of your images

I want to lay in bed and not feel our cute cuddling moments

I want to move on

They say time heals all hurts

Time has made me see how much I messed up

Time has made me see what I should have done differently

Perhaps time reveals before it heals

If so then my healing should be just around the corner

Because so much has been revealed

I have seen things I was blind to

My foolery is washed away

And dawn appeared so abruptly

You were far from perfect

But so was I

You are flawed

But so am I

You have a lot to learn

But I have been learning so much in the past many months

I am sorry I hurt you

I am sorry I couldn't be the 'Man' you needed

I failed you because I already failed me

We both needed God

But all we had was our feeble selves

And the echo of the divine call within our hearts

We placed our faith in each other

And of course being weak, we failed each other

Our love was real

But wisdom was far away from us

It's been many months

But I haven't moved on

Trust me I have tried

Trust me?

You probably never would ever again

I broke your trust too many times

But yeah, I have tried to move on

As hard as I did to make us work

Oh yes, I did try

But alas only the Leopard's Creator can change his spots

It's been many months

But I still cannot get you off my mind

Nor your pictures and videos off my devices

Even if I did

They are forever emblazoned on my heart

It's been many months

But I still love you

There I said it

It took so many lines just to say those four words.