Before you proceed:

You could have taken the easier route and been into demigods or even nature spirits.  But clearly, you lack self-preservation and have little desire for peace. 

That said, this is a guide to hooking up with elemental spirits without losing all of your sanity because, believe me, you will lose a lot of it. 

Good luck.

Fire Spirits 

They are hot-body-form-wise and sexual appetite-wise. You will leave with burn scars, so for your sake, stack up enough coins for Buba’s healing ointment. It does not come cheap, and Buba hates anyone who gets with a fire spirit because he has been trying to get one for decades, but they all avoid him. (Look, I know why. Buba has a water spirit in his lineage. Water vs. fire. Do the math. Tale as old as time.) This brings me to a related point - check your lineage, and if there is even a hint of water, you will never see a fire spirit naked.

Contrary to public opinion, fire spirits are the clingiest of the elementals. It is a rule that you must cuddle after sex with them, or they will never forgive you.  However, never sleep over, or you will wake up with a permanent burn.

If a fire spirit tells you they love you right as they are coming down from their ‘little death’, make sure you get a mind cleanse within the next 48 hours, or you will become obsessed. And that obsession can lead to madness or, worse - death.

Water Spirits

A water spirit will give you the most intimate week of your life and ghost you afterwards. If you must entangle with them, please book an appointment with a doctor from the East. It must be the East, not the West, South or North.

Your biggest obstacle to bedding a water spirit is your body. You must look a certain way to catch their eye. Vanity upon Vanity is the way of the water spirit. Essentially, if your looks are the more you look, the less you see, nothing for you.

Mami waters and water spirits are not the same. Do not make the mistake of confusing both and voicing out that confusion, or you will be thrown out on your ass in the streets bare naked and shamefaced. 

Similarity is not sameness; warn yourself before you hurt yourself. 

Earth Spirits 

Earth spirits are gentle giants. They don’t want a lot, just a good time. If you need good, firm lovemaking, knock on their door and surrender.

Some people call them dull, but I disagree. Those people just don’t have what it takes to unlock the strength of passion earth spirits have hidden behind their gentleness. Think of how the earth rumbles when lightning hits it? Be that. Be lightning.

Air Spirits 

Do not ever think that you choose them. Know your place, and everyone will have a good time.

Avoid air spirits if you do not have enough submissive bones in your body. There will not be enough bodyglue to put you back together if you make the foolish mistake of trying to dominate an air spirit. Think I am lying? Ask around, and you will hear the stories.

When the act is happening, do not think. Only feel. Air spirits can hear thoughts and will stop the pleasure party to confront you for thinking. I mean, if you wanted to think, you should have found some bottom-tier demi-god to argue with in the library of stains.

The audacity an air spirit has is only matched by their capacity for deeply spiteful behaviour. For that reason, only someone without a praying guardian will attempt to overstay their welcome after intertwining pleasures with an air spirit.

A one-night stand is all you are likely to get from an air spirit. In the event you get two, consider yourself lucky. Three? Call the underworld immediately.

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To know more, book an appointment at the Library of Stains by calling 000-(insert elemental code)-000.