The night the headless body of your elder brother, Ifemsinachi, would be displayed on T.V, your mother would drop the Guinness bottle she had uncorked with her teeth on the ground and it'll shatter, it's content seeping into the carpet.

She would know it's his body because of the red birthmark he had under his left breast which was the shape of a heart.

She won't shout, she would just stare at the TV, and only when his head is recovered few feet away from his body would she let out an ear piercing scream.

The scream would be so loud that it'll attract your neighbors and they'll come banging at your door.

She'll fling her self to the ground and cry hysterically but, you'll sit there, static, unfazed, because you had known about this two days ago, in fact, you were the last person he spoke to before what happened, happened.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ifem was someone people considered to be a troubled child, at least that's what people would assume when they first meet him, but no one would wonder why he ended up that way.

No one would think his parents had a hand in it, they'll brush it off as teenage boy issues, but you were at the center of it all, you knew what resulted to his behavior.

Your mother was eighteen when she got pregnant for your twenty-three year old father, your father had told her to abort the baby but your mom refused.

When the pregnancy became obvious, your father was made to marry your mother, after much hesitation, your father agreed but the events surrounding the marriage and birth of Ifem had turned your father into a bitter and abusive man.

Your mom who became the outcast of her family and also the punching bag of your father fell into depression and turned to alcohol, with that, Ifem grew in the midst of two neglectful parents.

Ifem was fourteen when you found a condom in his school bag.

He had gone out to buy fuel for the generator when you went through his bag in search of an eraser that you needed for an assignment.

While searching, you had brought out something that looked like a wrapped eraser and while you stared at it contemplating whether you should unwrap it or not, your father walked in.

"What is that thing you're holding?!." He yelled startling you, his eyes were wide and red, he had been smoking.

"I..Fe..Ifem." You stuttered in response pointing to Ifem's bag, you heart was pounding in your chest.

Your father snatched it from you and waited for Ifem to return, when he came back, your father had him take off his shirt and using his leather belt, he whipped him on his back so violently that the buckle of his belt fell out. Ifem had fainted.

Your mother was drunk and wasted in the living room, leaving nine year old you to revive your brother.

Ifem didn't talk to you for two weeks straight but on the night before his school resumed (he was in jss3 then), he slipped into your room and with tears in his eyes, he told you the reason he was with the thing you saw.

He told you that there was a female teacher in his school that makes him touch her in places he's not meant to (puberty had hit Ifem so hard that at 14, he could be mistaken for an 18 year old) and that he could not report to anyone because they would not believe him, they would ask him how it was possible that a woman would molest a grown boy of 14.

He told you that his friends had told him that If he uses that thing to sleep with a girl, it would automatically make him a grown man and that the teacher won't be able to do those things to him.

You didn't understand much of what he said but you still hugged him and allowed him to cry as much as he wanted until your father came back and be had to run back to his room.

Ifem was sixteen when he joined a secret cult, he had come home around 1am, your father had travelled and as usual, your mum was passed out in the sitting room.

He had come into your room with blood all over him and as soon as you saw him you grabbed a bucket and a rag to clean him up, in-between wiping off the blood on his face he had held your hand , stopping you.

"They were twenty of us, only six survived." He had muttered, his voice barely audible.

He didn't explain further because he knew you would understand, and you did.

You didn't bother asking what happened to the rest that didn't survive, you were scared as to what you would discover, the main thing was that your brother survived.

Ifem was eighteen when your father found a gun in his room, while your father stared at the gun in shock, Ifem quickly grabbed it and aimed it at him.

"Ina apụ ala?!." You father had spat in rage. "Are you mad?!.".

"Metunu m aka ka ịmara." Ifem had growled and despite how confident he sounded, he was visibly trembling. "Touch me so you'll know."

You wanted to stop him, to protect him the way he always protected you but you were not strong enough, so instead, you watched him pack his things and leave.

He came back on few occasions when you father was away and bought you some basic things, on one occasion, he slipped a phone into your pocket, a button phone, and told you to make sure your father never saw it.

You were happy he was no longer being tortured by your father, but the bruises and wounds you saw on his body whenever he came to visit made it obvious that where he was wasn't much different from home.

You didn't try talking to him about it, you weren't bold enough, but now as his body is being shoved into a body bag, you wished you did, maybe if you had, what happened wouldn't have happened.

The circumstance that led to Ifem's brutal death was entirely your fault even though moments into his death he had assured you that it wasn't.

Ifem was twenty-one when you called him, laughing, and told him that your father had refused to pay your school fees if he didn't come back home.

You weren't really bothered by your father's threat and you half expected Ifem to be, maybe it was guilt that made him do what he did, or maybe it was just brotherly love.

Ifem had called you at exactly 12pm, at first you were sleepy and could hardly concentrate on what he was saying, but after you heard a gunshot from his side of the screen, all atom of sleep left your eyes, you knew his life was on the line.

"My guy." He started with the usual name him called you, his voice was low like he was whispering, like he was hiding.

"Ifem, Ifem, what is it." You yelled in a whisper, the last thing you wanted was to attract your father.

"I tried." He paused and sniffled, at first you thought he found it difficult to talk because he was in a tight corner, only when he spoke again did you realize he was crying.

He told you what happened; he had stolen money from the cults safe to give you so you could pay for your school fees, and along the line , he was caught, you wanted to shout at him for being stupid, for being careless, for risking his life so much, but you throat was dry and you couldn't voice out your thoughts.

"My guy I tried." He continued "I really tried, to give you a better life , to make sure you don't do what I did." He paused as another gun shot pierced the air. "Promise me you won't do what I did He said in between sniffles.

"Promise me!." He yelled frantically as the sound footsteps began approaching.

"I... I... promise." You stuttered hardly being able to find your voice, your throat was dry.

"If daddy touches you, there's a gun under my bed, use it, do you hear me.?." He was breathing heavily now.

"Yes." You answered but your voice was drowned by the sound of loud footsteps that sounded few feet away from him.

"I love you." Was the last sentence he muttered before you heard another bang and by the sound he made, you knew he was the one that was shot.

"Please... please." You heard you brother beg as the phone fell to the ground.

"Shut up!." A voice spat as you heard another gun shot.

And so you sat there, hearing as you brother begged for his life in between groaning and coughing until he died, you sat there and heard as they suggested beheading him and only when you heard the slashing sound of a cutlass did you cut the call.

You wanted to cry, to scream, to yell but all you did was to sit there and stare into the dark, you were useless to him even onto death.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The neighbors would finally break down the door and would try to hold down your mom who would be wailing and rolling over the shattered glass, injuring herself.

They would act like they cared and some would even try to comfort you , at that point, you would consider going to get the gun under Ifem's bed and shooting everyone, starting from your mother who now wailed like she had been the best mother to him, and then your neighbours who knew right from time that he was being neglected and still never tried to help him.

Perhaps after that you would shoot yourself too, you were worse than all of them put together.

You would think to the thousands of people who would be watching the news and looking at your brother in disgust because to them he was just another evil cultist killed in a cult clash.

Another cultist whose body was being roughly manhandled even on life TV.

And you would think to yourself how lucky you were to have truly known him, how you were the one person he had called when he was at the brink of death, how he had told you he loved you even though he had said it is a girly thing to say, how he died for you. And you would touch your face and realize you had been crying all along.

But his death would make history, because for the first time since you were born, your mother would go a night without alcohol.