Shame

I spent too long lying to myself

I'm a good person, I'm kind, I'm better than those led by greed

I stay only when I am of substance

Only when I can be all you need, or at least what you need in the moment

But I always forget, a moment doesn't last forever

At the end of it all, needs are just urgent wants

And like all wants they pass

You got what you wanted, then you changed

I gave you all I wanted to, then I felt a change

A change in you, or for you

You needed a philosophy and I chose to be your Socrate

You said your world was falling and I put on my mask of Atlas

You needed an answer and I stood waiting by the crossroads

You changed, and now my mask has fallen off

I changed you and now I watch you hunt for your Plato

Look at you, a spitting image of yourself yet so unrecognisable

Why did you get better? now you have no use for me

Where did all your tears go? Now all you do is smile at me

Why are you so happy? Why did I listen? Why was I there for you?

Now all I can do is watch you grow different yet stay the same

Did you really change? Or did I manifest a change so deep it took form without ever existing

I saw you in the hall way, on the stairs, in my screen

I watched you say you love me, watched you cry, watched you yeild

You said I was a gift, yet like a child your bruises healed

What good am I to you if you aren't addicted to me, if you don't see me as your shield,

I don't want you to get too close, my skin crawls when you hug me

Or when you say you love me yet say I don't know what love is

I don't want to have to be there everytime, you'll get too comfortable and then careful

I want to be there when you cry, to break you more so I can fix you

My God aren't you amazing, but then you're not, but yet you are

My nymph in the midst of minotaurs, you are useless yet unique

You haven't changed at all, I just grew tired and dissatisfied

My icarus oh my dear, you did intrigue me but you were flawed

Don't fight for what we had, I've done what I wanted and I'm done

You're better than me but, you're not, how dare you get better when I'm not done

I found a cub so helpless, I made it mine and licked it's wound, and it dares insult me by turning its healing neck to lick mine?

I wasn't done, not with you, yet you think you can help me too?

You cannot live without me, I am heavens representation to you

You

You cheated the devil with your smile

I thought I was better, I thought I was it

I saw the legs of a broken human and thought thank God I'm not her

But as I raised my head and took the log from my eyes I saw my reflection sitting still

I'm not better

I sit at the crossroads looking for those smaller

But I was never better

I thought they changed

But they only got better

Yet I stayed the same

But even the devil gets better