“I think our culture rehearses pain more than it rehearses joy. We brace for betrayal like it’s guaranteed, but we’re rarely taught how to handle the courage it takes to be loved without suspicion.- Nsikan ( 𝕏: @Ckanjohnson)”

A few days ago, I had a conversation with a colleague about how we often prepare for the worst instead of embracing the best. 

The case that prompted the discussion was a parent declaring “ after all these stress we suffer to raise children, a child will now say their parents did not do enough or cut them off”. There are many reasons why a child would say a parent did not do enough or decide to cut them off, that's discussion for another day. However, having that mindsets while raising your kids that are still young( they are not even teenagers yet) is not a good way to live. Imagine depriving yourself of the joy of positive possibilities just because you are focused on the negative. 

Do you think yourself not deserving of a positive outcome?

This mindset has quietly but deeply shaped how we relate with our family, colleagues , friends, partners, and even our children. 

We meet people who are kind and sincere, yet we second-guess their intentions, assuming that something must be wrong or that their goodness masks something sinister. We walk on eggshells, waiting for the other shoe to drop, and in doing so, we sometimes become the very architects of the downfall we feared. We sabotage what is good by our actions and words. 

Living by the principle of “ija wa, ija osi always guarding” is quite exhausting in my opinion.

In romantic and platonic relationships alike, many are more comfortable preparing for heartbreak than leaning into love. We think withholding trust is wisdom, when sometimes it’s just fear in disguise. What if we rehearsed joy more often? What if we allowed ourselves to believe that good things can stay good, that people can be kind without ulterior motives, and that love doesn’t always have to come with conditions or caution? Preparing for peace might just be the bravest thing we ever do.

Why not approach human relationships by establishing healthy boundaries instead of allowing fear to dictate your actions?