I was 10 when the last straw broke the camel’s back. I hated Christmas; a season children enjoyed became the worst nightmare of my life. We lived in a face me-I-face you house, surrounded by lizards and wall geckos, we were the natives of the street, hold up under bridges. Though necessary, we did not have a care of the world. I grew up with just my mother as my father abandoned us at birth, living from hand to mouth.

At age 8, I knew how to fend for myself in the street while my other hawked baba dudu and other local sweets for people to buy.

I knew what hardship meant, what it felt like, seeing children like me in cars, staring down at us, some with disdain and others out of sheer curiosity.

It was the year 2007, I got home from the public primary school streets away. There was someone in the room, speaking in hushed tones with my mother.

“Good afternoon ma,” I greeted her, still confused at the stranger talking to my mother. He looked at me and walked towards me, arms spread high like a hawk spreading its wings towards its prey.

“Asabe, this is your fathers’ brother.” She said, annoyance laced in her tone.

“Good afternoon sir.” I replied, still trying to process my emotion. This was the first time I ever saw anyone from his family and my mother blatantly refused to speak about him even when I asked.

“How are you, my child? You are all grown now. What class are you in?’ he asked, showing concern.

“I am in Primary 5 now sir.”

“Wow, you are a big girl now, your father will be happy about this. Next year you will start secondary school, right?” I looked at my mother, an unspoken communication passed between us as she answered for me.

“Baba Festus, please can we go to the point? Lanre did not reach out to us for once. I have been struggling to raise her on my own, you of all people know how my family abandoned my when I got pregnant, yet none of you could help me out. I could not go back to school because of this and I thank god for giving me such a beautiful daughter to ease my pain.”

Startled he replied, “Doris, I know we have wronged you. Lanre knows he has offended you. He Is too ashamed of himself to come and beg for your forgiveness. He is ready to take up the responsibility of his child from next year.”

“ Oh oh now he is ready to take responsibility ehn? Where was he when we were struggling, begging for food and clothes off the streets ehn? His child? Baba, take that back please. This is my child and she will remain that way.’ Mother was already getting furious and I knew it was something serious so I left the same way I came. None of them noticed I was gone during their heated exchange and the last thing I heard was uncle telling my mother that n matter what, the man is the owner of the child.

Sitting on the floor and watching other children play suwe which I loved so much, I was not in the mood to join them despite the calls from my friends. I wanted to meet my father, everyone in class had two parents except me. It was very hard seeing fathers buy things for their children and I wanted that even for one day.

I was also feeling bad that my mother got pregnant and it scattered everything in her life. If I was not born then things would have been better for her.

After what seemed like hours, I heard my mother calling out to me.

“Asabe, asabe where are you?”

“Ma, I am coming.’

I went inside to find the atmosphere different from what it was, she seemed a bit calm now and I was happy about that for a second.

“Er Asabe, would you like to see your father?” Baba Festus asked out of the blue, shocking me.

I looked at my mother, not sure of the answer to give. I did not want to look like a betrayer after all these years. She nodded positively to me and I replied affirmatively.

“Yes, sir I will like to meet him.”

“Like I told your mother, we will all go to the village this Christmas holiday, so you can meet all your cousins and see how big your family is.”

Will my father be there?”

“Yes, he is happy to meet you.” Pausing, he reached into his pocket,

“Take, use this to buy biscuit.” He stretched a bundle of 200 naira note to me.

Immediately I knelt down, a sign of respect my mother had taught me growing up.

“Thank you, sir. Thank you so much sir.”

“Kotope (It is nothing)”. He replied standoffishly.

Turing to my mother, “Remember all we said, we will meet at the village for Christmas. Lanre will make it up to you, I promise.”

“I will say you said so o baba.”

“Let me be going, I have other places to visit.” He stood up, adjusting his agbada and waving goodbye to me.

My mother followed him and I trailed behind her, the money still in my hands. He crossed to the other side and entered his car.

We went inside after she had greeted our other neighbours who were surprised we could have a guest who looked rich, with a car.

Sitting on our sore eyed mattress, she beckoned to sit beside her.

“Come Asabe, it is time I tell you about your father.”

I was very happy to hear this. This was the moment I had prayed for countless times. I needed to know who my father was.

Flashback

A long time ago, i met Lanre while I was in secondary school. He was in the university at that time, my school was on the same street he lived in which is how he noticed me at first. He asked about me to my friends and they planned a meet up with him, unknowingly to me. We eventually started talking and few weeks after he asked me to be his girlfriend.’ Pausing, there were tears pooling in her eyes but she continued.

“He was the type of person who everyone wanted to be with and it made me happy that he wanted me. I used it to brag to my classmates and other boys in school that liked me. I had everything I needed from my parents, they were not rich but they could take care of me and my younger brother.

Few weeks to waec, I became sick. I did not know I was pregnant till my mother noticed my vomiting one morning and took me to our family nurse who confirmed I was pregannat. I was happy inside because this meant I was going to get married to Lanre. I told my mother about him and that I trusted him.

We went back home, she refused to talk to me and locked me in my room There was no way I could break the good news to Lanre unless I went to meet him. Soon after, I heard voices, my father was arguing with my mother and my name was involved in this. I knew it was my pregnancy they were talking about. The door opened and my father looked at me, a disappointed look in his eyes.

“Let us go and see the boy”, he said. “You said he is willing to marry you right?” he asked again, wanting to hear it directly from me and I nodded positively. I was already day dreaming about being his bride and wearing a wedding gown down the aisle. Maybe after the marriage, we would then move to Lagos and live the big city life happily ever after.

He motioned for me to lead the way and after walking for a while, we reached his quarters. There were many boys hanging around, some were smoking while others were playing in the yard. My mother looked at me disapprovingly, seeing the surrounding I was already familiar with as the boys were calling out to me in recognition. They also looked at my parents and you could see some whispering amongst themselves.

“Where is the boy?” my father asked, already irritated by the surrounding he was in, a clergy man was not meant to be in such place.  I pointed to the dark, handsome man in room whose door was opened.

“Lanre, come out please.” I called to him.

“Doris is that you? Come in.”

“No please come out, it is urgent.” I pleaded.

Sighing, he came out to find me and my parents behind.

“Good afternoon sir, good afternoon ma.” He greeted them; confusion still etched on his face.

“Good afternoon my son.” Father replied.

“Do you know this young lady?”

“Yes, this is Doris, hope nothing?”

“Oh it is good news Lanre, the one we have been talking about for a while now. We are expecting a baby. I am pregnant.” I rubbed my belly, smiling at him and expecting him to hug me any moment. Instead, his face twisted into horror, confusion and then annoyance.

“Pregnant for who?” He asked sarcastically.

The boys at the background were silent now, watching the drama unfold.

I was startled, words failed me.

“I said pregnant for who?” he repeated, loudly.

“Young man, you said you know her and now you are asking her that foolish question? Did you or did you not impregnant my daughter?” My mother interjected while my father had gone deathly quiet, leaving against the wall.

“Ma, with all due respect, I did not impregnant this girl. I know her and her friends because we see often. Why will I impregnate this small girl when there are better women in the university. No offense ma.”

“Lanre! Lanre, this is not what we discussed o, you said we would get married once you graduate, you wanted children with me as well. Lanre please do not put me to shame. I am begging you.” I went on my knees, crying profusely, praying this was just a bad dream I was trapped in. 

My parents left without shaking a word but I could tell how furious they were. Their daughter, whom they were well pleased in could do such a thing behind their back? After years of Sunday school teachings?

My tear stained face the only evidence something was amiss as I trailed behind them. Wordlessly they sat in the parlor, staring into space as I stood, fidgeting.

“Tomorrow morning, you must leave this house. I must never see you again.” My father said, icy words emanating out of him. Mother was motionless, agreeing with what he said, not like she had a choice in this.

I nodded, knowing fully well there was no changing his mind.

There was no night devotion and we went to bed with heavy hearts.

I could feel a slight tugging, looking around, my mother stood by my bed. A solemn look on her.

“I want you to know I am very disappointed in you; your father has the final say in this house. I will give you some money for you to manage yourself wherever you are.” She dropped some cash tied in a rubber band for me and walked out without looking back.

End of flashback.

“I never saw your father again till I met your uncle years later in the market and he tried keeping in touch with us. I never saw my parents either. It has been so long.”

I held my mother, comforting her in the childlike way I could.

…………..

December came quickly, I was looking forward to seeing my other family for the first time. I was going to have stories to tell when school resumed,

We got to the bus park and boarded the bus going to orin. It was a long ride, we slept, ate in between the journey and seven hours later, we reached the final destination.

‘Oya come with me, hurry.” My mother said, while bringing down our load from the bus. I was happy to have new clothes at last. We walked through the town and eventually reached our destinated. My mouth was wide open as I did not expect a big house like this. Wow, my father seemed to be rich.

We entered the compound which was filled with people, those like us just arriving and others catching up on each other.

Baba Festus saw us from the veranda and came to welcome us.

“Welcome home my daughter. How was the journey? Thank you, Doris, for bringing her over.” He said as we greeted him traditionally, on our knees.

“Come your father wants to see you.” He pulled me with him while my mother went upstairs, to put our bags away, I followed him to the backyard where some men were having a hushed discussion.

“Is this her?” A man said, looking at me up and down, with an expressionless face

“Lanre, remember what we said. We need this to work. This is Asabe, your daughter.”

“Good evening sir.” I greeted, not knowing what else to do.

“How are you?”

“Fine sir.”

There was an awkward silence and it was obvious he did not wan me around. I had dreamt of this moment where my father would run up to me, twirl me I the air but it seemed all that was a fairy tale.

I turned to leave, wanting to see my mother, the only familiar face that gave me warmth.

My mother made sure not to speak with my father throughout the day and almost succeeded the next day when him and Baba Festus came to our room the next evening.

“Doris, we need to take Asabe for our family rite since she is a party of us and Lanres first born.” Baba Festus said, expressionless.

My mother looked at me, looked at them and scoffed.

“What rite> what tradition? Oh oh is this why you wanted us to come along? Not that he had a change of mind?” She was furious, not even wanting to know what the rite was.

I felt heartbroken because I came with a different expectation, only to realize I was brought here to be used for a family rite.

“No Doris it is not like that. We need to do this rite or Lanre will die and it will affect Asabe as well Everyone has done it. It does not hurt at all. We only need to take her to the T junction at the beginning of the street and she would drop the food for our gods. No risk is involved.”

“Okay.”

“Just like that?” he asked, stunned. My father did not utter a word, he just looked bored and uninterested.

“Okay. What time are you taking her?”

“Midnight.”

“Can I come along as her mother?”

“No but we would bring her safe and sound.”

“Okay.”

“Thank you, Doris. You are a good woman.

Immediately they left, my mother turned to me as quickly as she could.

“We have to leave right now.”

“It is getting late, how would we leave? What is going on?”

“I cannot explain much but that rite is a deadly one, I overhead some of the wives talking about it but I did not know it was his family they were talking about.”

Looking round, she took one of her wrappers, removed the money there and gave me 20 naira.

“Here, take this money. If anyone asks where you are going tell them I sent you to buy Canfor. Don’t say anything else. I will meet you at the bus top. Remember it? Wait there for me.”

I did as she asked, told the women sitting in the compound when they asked where I was heading to and walked out safely without suspicion. I reached the bus top, waited in front of an empty shop for my mother to meet me there. Shortly after, I saw her heading towards me, on a motorcycle. I called to her and I was picked up, leaving that vicinity. The motorcycle took us to the next town where we took the night bus back to Lagos. We slept for most of the journey and I was awoken by my mothers’ occasional prayers and songs of thanksgiving I did not fully understand what we escaped from but I knew it was bad.

Getting to Lagos, the next morning, we started packing our things as Baba Festus knew where we lived and could come for us anytime. Not alerting the neighbors, we moved our things quietly over the span of five days to an entirely different neighbourhood in iyanapaja, a place no one would have thought to find us.

It would be years later that we would hear my father died that night a sit was a soul exchange they wanted to do for him and being the first child, I was the only one that could do it which is why he refused to form any attachment to me when he saw me. I was no different from a sacrificial goat to him.

Her parents never came around and she heard of their death randomly when she met a fellow classmate in the supermarket. Thankfully I was able to repay her for all she did for me, graduated from the university, landed a well-paying job and when she hinted, she wanted to go back to school, I supported her. She might have been surrounded by terrible people but her daughter would always be there for her.