I feel less than enough. I want to show those important to me especially one person how hardworking and intelligent I am but it seems not to work. I have shed more tears than the Nile River, created scenarios in my head that portrays me in a better position.

I feel she will get tired and move on, she sometimes sees me as a liar, which I am not but to be seen as a lazy, uninspired and demotivated person kills me.

I thought I was good at writing only to be hit by rejections from submissions made. No one likes my writing, and I have decided to stop showing it to anyone. I shared my writing and there was no feedback, I was too embarrassed to ask if she read it cos I know she did not like it. I mean she has read works from much better writers. I do not want to make anyone uncomfortable.

Soon enough I will stop writing Its futile.

My friends, hmm I never truly had real connection it seems.

Maybe everyone is right, maybe I am a loser.

I wonder a lot, laced with regret, what if I endured the abuse and bullying from my former boss? I would have been working, earning well and maybe eventually popped one or two pills to crossover but at least I wouldn’t have died jobless.

I know, I can feel it.

The truth is I am exhausted but I’m trying. The only way i want to go is s...ide, im scared because i do not know what is on the other side and i want to do it on my terms.

This is my last post. It comforts me that this will never be read by anyone else.