It’s Christmas… and I wish you were here

I’ve been trying not to say it out loud, but it’s been sitting in my chest since morning 😩

I went to church today,

And honestly, that was when it hit me the most,

We would have gone together,

You would have sat beside me, calm as always,

You always said Christmas is not really about gifts… it’s about thanksgiving,

About being grateful,

About the people that make life feel warm,

I couldn’t stop hearing your voice say that

When the pastor asked everyone to tell their neighbour "Merry Christmas" and dance together, I froze for a second,

Because if you were here, I wouldn’t be looking around,

I’d already know who to turn to,

We would have laughed, stood up, and danced together without caring who was watching lol..

Instead, I stood there alone,

Smiling… but feeling your absence loudly,

Everything reminded me of you today, literally everything😔

Walking home from church felt lonely,

On Christmas day, you would never let me walk alone,

You’d leave your house, come pick me up, and still insist on taking me home,

We’d stay till noon, laughing, talking about nothing and everything,

Just gist,

Just us,

Then we’d separate, come back later, and go out again,

Maybe a simple date,

Dinner,

Talking,

Laughing,

Ending the day tired but happy, with good memories to fall asleep to..

Today, none of that happened🥹

Even yesterday,on the 24th, when I was making my hair, I thought of you

If you were here, you would have brought me food or snacks,

You’d sit beside me, teasing me, distracting me so the pain won’t feel like pain,

You always knew how to do that, I mean making hard things lighter just by being there

That’s what I miss the most,

Not the big things, but the small ones

I miss how Christmas feels when you’re around,

How it feels full,

How it feels like home,

I’m coping… somehow,

I’m smiling,

I’m saying "Merry Christmas" to people

I’m doing what I’m supposed to do,

But the truth is, a part of me is missing you quietly,

I don’t know where you are right now,

I don’t know if you thought about me today,

But I need you to know this..

"if you were here, this Christmas would have been different"

It would have been warmer,

It would have been complete,

So yes…

It’s Christmas

And I wish you were here

Merry Christmas dearie 🥰