THIS IS A PROSE ELEGY TO THE ONES WHO’VE LOST PEOPLE AROUND THIS SEASON

Christmas is a happy season, but not many people can feel the cheer and love of the season. Few people have lost family members, loved ones, and even friends during the season, and Christmas has just never been the same. It feels like the world is carrying on without you, so this one is for you.

It can be painful to be going through the worst or toughest period of your life and see the world around you basking in joy. It feels like everyone else matters but you. Their joy feels like a slap on your face. 

Your heart breaks further when you realize the one person or people who made you feel special are no longer around. It’s just you and your emotions now. 

No one cares about how many times you’ve cried yourself to sleep on Christmas Eve. No one knows how heart-wrenching it is to numb yourself out on Christmas day while the world around you seems to move on, leaving you behind. You can’t help but overhear the chatter and cheer from your neighbor's apartment while you wish the day would fly by.

You feel unseen because everyone assumes you should suck it up just because it’s Christmas. They tell you the person or people have been gone for a while now, and it’s time for you to carry on with your life. They forget that grief has no clock or that you’re allowed to grieve a person who is perfectly healthy and alive. 

They tell you that you should be happy, like you can magically will the happiness and joy upon yourself. 

I’m not here to tell you to suck it up and be happy, but that it’s okay not to feel the joy of the season. It’s okay to be sad, but it’s not okay to remain sad forever. The only way out of this dark season is through it. 

One thing I can assure you is that one day, maybe next Christmas or the one after, you’ll be able to fully partake in the joy of the season. All will be well in your world, and the walls that were once collapsing around you will have been rebuilt to be your safety. One day, Christmas will be a season you look forward to with all your heart. One day, you won’t remember them with pain in your heart but with fondness and a smile. 

One day, you’ll not feel taunted by the laughs coming from your neighbor's apartment or from the world around you. 

One day, you won’t feel left out in the joy of the season. 

One day, I promise!